guilty

I feel guilty.

I applied for a new job tonight.  I have become increasingly exhausted, not fulfilled, not happy for the amount of pay I receive at my job.  I feel so so guilty for applying for a new job on my work computer.  I am b.a.r.e.l.y. making it.  I need/have to make more money.  I feel so under-appreciated at my job……I feel like I run the whole god damn company on top of being every one’s mommy while working 40+ hours and then weekend events.  I need a change.  A change for the better.

I feel guilty.

I feel guilty for sleeping with you again.  I told myself no so many times before in the past.  Why do I want you so badly?  Why did I throw all of my common sense out of the window the minute you came onto me.  Now, here I am back at square one….wondering if I should text you….wondering if you have changed…..wondering if you will finally see what is standing right in front of you willing and waiting to take you back.  I keep telling myself no, that I can’t text you…that I have to hold onto a little bit of dignity….bc if I text you and you don’t give me the answer I want to hear or deserve to hear, I think I seriously might loose it.  Its not fair.

I feel guilty.

I feel guilty that I am bitching about not making enough money when there are so many out there that would kill to be in my shoes, I have a job.  I feel guilty that I am still bitching and moaning about the same asshole that doesn’t deserve me.

I feel guilty.