Same.

“Baby don’tcha let him blow smoke up your dress
Don’t let him break your heart
Don’tcha you start thinking that your life is a mess
You’ve done fine so far…”

-Hillbenders

I love these lyrics…they were sung to me….they are meant for me.

I hate how every time I go home I can expect the same experience.  Hang out with the same people, say the same things over and over again, feel the same way I always do after leaving a social gathering.  I hate the same.  For a while the “same” was great and comforting…but now I am just frustrated with the “same”.

I can honestly say I do feel like my life is a mess.  I feel like I am spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere with work/love/social life.  I hate it.  I am trying to change it…but no progress.  Also, I am not very patient…but when will it be my turn?

I hated seeing him this past Saturday.  I avoided his stares…because if I didn’t I think I would either start crying or yelling.  I made it pretty obvious to him that I was not going to play his “staring across the room” game anymore.  Been there.  Done that.  By playing the game I only set myself up.  He left the party early…I would like to think that he left because he was so upset that I wasn’t playing his game…but in all honesty the party was pretty lamo.  So badly I’ve wanted him to step up to the plate.  But I just can’t allow myself to get close to him anymore.  It always ends up like this.  I get so hurt…and I am completely devastated in the kind of person that I have fallen for.

“If that’s what it takes
I can’t take it anymore…”